Oh bits of nothings really.

Hi. My name is Moriah. I am in mourning. Of that stupid hour we lost Saturday night. I mean, I miss it. I'm suffering. I think...if you ask me. THIS is how our government messes with peoples heads. Think about it.
Speaking of our government.
Hello Michelle.
I'm sure she reads my blog.
What? You doubt?

You know, I don't get in the great debates of politics and socialism and what not. I could. Except, my opinions are just not always overly opinionated enough to really matter. Typically. Take gun control. I agreed with both sides. You can't take away the right to bear arms. However, why we all need assault riffles with 50 clips each, is beyond me? This is not a debate. I mean, you can debate it with me. I'll gladly let you win. I really am not that opinionated to debate the matter. My parents gave me a handgun. The Judge. I went to shoot it several times before I brought it home. And then, then my father decided that I was more a threat to have the gun in my possession then I was to have to stand the chance to be robbed and tied up by a robber. Not to mention, I hid the key so hard to get in the case it took me two hours to find it. Like I said. So, he replaced it with a rifle. One that was held together by duck tape. And he gave me one shell. That happens to NOT go in the gun that's chamber is ducked taped together. He said..."Just act like you're gonna blow their head off kid!!" ....what I have is a prop. Nothing more. Nothing about it works. And the duck tape, yeah, that's intimidating!! My father is an avid gun collector. He gave me the best gun he had that he wanted to give away. Cause, collectors don't give away guns. Apparently, he's not investing in an entire box of shells for me and it's the only gun like this he has so he gave me a 410 shell for my own peace of mind. Thanks Poppy. Don't worry...I've only had to call the police 1255 times since living here. I'm sure...I'm sure I'm fine. No really... Did I mention I caught a robber with my bare hands once. Uh. Summin' like that.

However.
You wanna know what ruffles my feathers friends?When it comes to government. I'm glad you asked.
Soft Drink Ban.
It was all fun and games til somebody says "Oh Moriah, you are breaking the law...you had a large Sundrop today!"
And I'm not a law breaker.
I'm a rule follower.
And a sundropallholic.
However, I would certainly be tempted to break that law. I mean, I doubt I would actually follow thru with breaking said law ...but I'd be tempted. 
That's just askin' me to be a law breaking citizen. One day, you're in the good girl category and then next, you're on probation with a bedazzled ankle alarm. Bedazzling DIY of course.. !! Sheesh!!

In other news. Speaking of ankle.
I have injured my ankle, foot, arch. That general area. I can't pinpoint what exactly is injured.
AND I have no idea how I have caused it such harm.
It does not physically hurt just sitting here...only when I walk.
Or stand on it.
No idea.
I'm sure it's gang green or something close setting in....
I am going to say I injured it doing zumba when I bust out the blingin' aircast boot!!
What?...I had good intentions? That count?

Toodles for now-
m

My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy.

 I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?

-Charles M. Schulz

Hello Monday.

love all my babies.

blessed.

simply blessed.

Here's to a great week ahead.

xo-m

Vaca Vegas...according to Moriah.

Today, I bring you the little lessons I learned via Vegas. You're welcome.

HA!! ;)

Bucket list #33. Vegas.  Check. Check.

and perhaps #29 Eiffel Tower. Check. As opposed to two checks.

1. Not every girl who travels to Vegas ends up on Dateline and 48 Hours! I know! I'm just as shocked!!

2. It may be shocking. It may not be. However. An $8 Coke taste EXACTLY like a $1.25 Coke!! I know, I was just as disappointed.

3. My favorite hobby is people watching. I am nosy by nature. I feel like Vegas is missing out on a great market by not promoting this hobby on it's brochure and marketing slogans. 

 Friends, the people watching is outstanding in sin city!! Best in the country!!

Las Vegas!! Where you can gamble, golf and people gawk!! 

4. I was born to be rich. I don't know what went wrong.

5. -Jet Lag. -
I have caught it. And, am not kidding. I don't mean to be so whiny but I am suffering from a medical trauma per Wikipedia!!
-medically referred to as desynchronosis, is a physiological condition which results from alterations to the body's circadian rhythms resulting from rapid long-distance transmeridian (east–west or west–east) travel on a (typically jet) aircraft. It is classified as one of the circadian rhythm sleep disorders.

see. told ya. a disorder. just my luck. add it to the list. course likely beats what others may have caught in vegas before. I'll take that over the other options.

6. Optical Illusions. Like the sky in the Venetian Hotel. And. And that what looks to be a mile away down the street...isn't. It's more like 56 miles. Scale vs. Speed vs. Depth of Field vs. A long flippin' way by foot in last years worn down flip flops.

7. You can take the southern girl outta the south...but...you can't take the south outta the southern girl!! Facts- May I introduce them to the jury. Here we have example 3. We shall title this for classifications purposes example 3. We the defendant do not have an example 1 and for that matter, we don't have example 2 either. Example 3. Caesar and Junior. (Junior is sitting beside him).  In front of his Palace. Holding a Nascar Checkered Flag. This ends the introduction to the jury of said statement of how southern girls statement holds the truth, the whole truth and nothin' but the truth. So help her soul. If we had a statue in my town....and it had the capability to hold a checkered flag on any given day....it would not be pretty. At all. I mean, just a few weeks ago I got cut off in the car line when somebody took the outside lane and found my lane to be moving faster. Throw a race flag on a block of cement, all hell would break lose!! I'm just sayin'...

8. Nobody gets rich off penny slots. At least not if your name is Moriah.

9. Nobody goes broke off of penny slots. At least not if your name is Moriah.

10. Gambling includes a lot of thinking to be involved. I mean, more than just pulling the little handle or throwing a chip on lucky 21. Which wasn't so lucky after all.

11. No man...what so ever....likes to participate in the Gondola ride. I saw a man with his wife getting on one that made me giggle real giggles. He was in his late 50's. His attire choices were: the wife's purchased Hawaiian Print Shirt. Completed by his own camo hat. He was as graceful getting into the boat as I was at a roulette table. And the singing italian man dressed in the best outfit ever sweetly singing to said man was worth every single second of my day!! Each time I passed by the lovely waterway I would watch the men in pain and the women just thinking this was the greatest most romantic thing in the world. Funny funny stuff. Gamble. Golf and People Gawk!!

12. How people remain calm when winning 10 grand at a table IS BEYOND ME!! If...IF I were to have won 10 grand, you would have seen a real deal Vegas show as I would not be able to contain my excitement.

13. Smoke. Thank you NC for the indoor smoking law. We may produce the tobacco...but thankfully we don't all smell like ash trays.

14. You know, they say Southerners are so friendly. Which I firmly believe in. However, you wanna know why other areas of the great America are not. Well, I'll tell ya. Cause people force 'em to be rude. Let me explain. I don't mind people in general. However, when you are browsing thru an art gallery and somebody tries to sell you a $100,000 piece that you clearly won't be purchasing and she knows that...but continues to talk your head off, you want to say "please, please stop talking". Then lets take the street boys who are in two toned suits and pre-tied ties trying to hustle the attractions. The first one I was like "I'm having a great day, thank you for asking. No, no thank you I'm sorry. I am just not interested but I appreciate your enthusiasm today and I'm sure the Blue Men Show do as well. I hope you have a wonderful day sir! Thank you for your time too." ...or summin' like the sucheth. Skip 48 hours and 219910 people trying to hustle a dadgum ride in a 'copter or a show...It was more like.. "Not interested. LEAVE ME ALONE!" Just like that, all my southern charm and grace had flown the coo coo's nest. Seriously. And no, I do not want one of your hooker cards for the umpteenth time. Do these girls know they are on these cards? I ask you?

15. I have another million dollar plus invention. Who wants in on it? It's great stuff.

16. I was one of the only people unable to sleep on the plane. I don't get it. I had all the reasons in the world to be exhausted. Notta. Nothing. Zip.

17. Wanna know how you can tell the southern girls in that town? Not because they sound southern but because the way they dress. It's 73. And windy. Most other area tourist are dressed in sundresses and skinny tanks. Southern girl, North Face and gloves. True story. Every single one of them.

18. Everybody wants to be a showgirl in that town. 'cept me. Not me. Not me at all. I don't know WHERE these ladies get these skimpy numbers they body butter their bellies into but, but your hiney is showing in your dress...long shirt and I do believe you forgot your pants darling. It's Las Vegas. Not Halloween. You are 37. Not 17. They had the best of intentions I'm sure. Bless their hearts. And their forgetful brain for not looking in a mirror before coming out in that lil' number. And when I say little...I mean, LITTLE!!Clearly somebody is selling Bongo again. It's an obvious. I looked like I was headed to church in comparison. Church in my north face coat and stuff. :) That's all the heart and brain blessing I can do for them as it's good for tourism.

19. Bra straps showing. And white pants before Easter. Just a big no no. So is dressing like Hello Kitty on the street corner. "Hello Kitty" by day. "Here Kitty Kitty": at night. Whatever pays your bills sister..uh cat, carry on.

20. Babies. In a casino. At 2 am. In the mom's arms sleeping. I AM GONNA JUDGE YOU!. You asked for it. First by not putting socks on that baby! And second, by making your baby into a party baby by default. What on earth!! Bless!

21.  Food in that town. To die for. Prices in that town. Not so mucheth. Hello PB&J...I love you dear faithful regardless. :)

22. I need a king bed. Quick.

23. I promised my boys souvenirs. I never promised they would be "authentic" ...so what if I bought 'em a few lovely things from "Vegas" in Mooresville. Last I checked Vegas was similar, ask Mr. Caesar himself!!Junior never cared where his trinkets came from.

24. Roll bags. A good investment. Non-roll bags. Good for the muscles. You only make that mistake once in life. Trust you me. I opted against the roll bag because it had faulty rolling suspension. And was squeaky. It was like a bad target shopping buggy. 10 mins into Charlotte Airport I would have paid 100.00 bucks for that hunk a junk I nixed 3 hours prior.

25. I am blessed. I have said it before, I'll say it again...I have been blessed with the most amazing people in my life and am truly one lucky girl. It didn't take Vegas for me to know this, it just simply reminded me yet again. My cup runneth over. Sorta like my wine glass at 2am. :)

Thank you Vegas for the memories.
For a check check, and a check, off on the ol' bucket list.
For making me feel outta shape and a tad bit old...
oh, and for not allowing Victor to kill me in the cab ride alone.
xo-m

seconds.

According to Moriah.

....Jack of...correction, Jane of all trades. Lately, I've been thinking about how being "self reliant" is so critical. For a number of reasons. I had a dad who never allowed "but I'm a girl" to be a good enough excuse for getting off the hook. When I was sixteen, he gave me the little lesson on how to change a tire. That following weekend my parents went out of town. Sure enough, right in "my" parking space of our driveway was my car with a pitiful flat tire. The issue was that I had no father to call to save me, and all the guys I knew that I could call were playing football in the game that I was trying to attend. After a panic attack over the phone, my dad went over the entire lesson for the 5th time and said "have at it, kid". *He calls all of his 4 kids, "kid". So I managed an hour later to change out that tire to the full size spare. On Sunday when my parents came home from their trip my dad was seriously proud. He then said "I knew you could do it, I just needed to know that the first time you would have to, you wouldn't be stranded on the side of the road".... My dad had let all the air out of that perfectly good tire and replaced the spare with a perfectly good sized version. He put me in a situation that forced me to save myself. And I can tell you a 100 other stories like this. I'm thankful for his lessons though. That Sunday, not so mucheth. I was pondering things that I think that every person should know how to do. Maybe because I still need to learn the lesson, or maybe because I need to teach it to my own sons. Just ponders and stuff.

Things Everyone Should KNOW How To Do! According to Moriah.

1. change a tire. I will admit...my tire currently is on so tight that honestly there would be no possible

way I could at all loosen the lug nuts. I mean, I'm not as strong as I look!! :)

2. drive a straight drive. I don't think I'll ever own another car that requires me, but still important.

3.build a fire. I mean, I'm not talking about from flint. :) If for some unknown reason you ever needed warmth or a smoke signal, one would need to know the basics to building a fire with matches of course.

4. Swim. This should be above change a tire. I'm lazy. It's 1 and 4.

5. Use a compass. I'll be the first to raise my hand and say, no idea. I still don't know a thing about direction.That's pathetic. "You need to go South East 6 miles and then you go West another five"....uhh, is that past the barn or before it? Seriously, I missed the entire compass lesson in life.

6. Type. How do peckers not have a nervous breakdown. I think the one thing I learned from highschool was Mrs.Deaton's type writing. To this day I am thankful for her lil' lessons!! 

7.Hold a Baby. Ha!! You ever watched somebody who isn't naturally around babies try to hold a baby? "His head!! Hold his head!!" Everybody needs a baby crash course on proper holding skills.

8. Parallel Park. Again, not one I'm all that skilled at... "oh, we could park here using the parallel method right up front OR, or we could park 6 miles away without having to parallel park..." We should walk. In the rain. The freezing sub zero rain. AHH! ...In my defense, I have a super long car. Super Super long. And my rear view mirror is like half the size it should be.  :)

9. Recall Names. I am beyond awful at this too. Once, I really tried to work on it. There was a sweet lady at church who always addressed me by name every single Sunday. I always felt bad that I could not do the same. So, I tried the whole association thing. She had kids. Her name was Theresa. Hence, Mother Theresa in my head. Next Sunday. She says "Good Morning, Moriah."...."Good Morning, Mother Theresa." And that's when I decided not to try so hard.

10. CPR skills. I need a refresher course on this too.

TGIF!! xo-m

she rambles.

*I changed the layout. If it's still whacky on your lovely lil' computer, it's still a work in progress.

:)

The highlights of my week consist of the following in no real order, sorta:

• -pay day.
• -pay day.
• -pay day.

     AND

• -Duck Dynasty Season Premier.

If you have ever met the Winkler family, we...WE are the Robertson family.
Swear. I have an uncle Si. I mean his name is not Si. But still. My brothers remind me of Willie and Jase. My dad...oh for the love, my dad is identical in so many ways to Phil.
These are things, absolutely no doubt about it, things that my own daddy has or would be known to say.

"Here let me take that. I don't want you to get a hernia. It took you 2 years to get over the last one." 

- Phil Robertson

 "The more make up, the more she's tryin to hide." - Phil Robertson.

My dad is always indicating my kids need to be less "techies" because they love their ipads...and he makes obscene references about his "relations" with my mother. It's uncomfortable. And makes my ears bleed buckets. whhhhyy? Why torture your offspring!?!

........................................................
I was invited to a botox party.
I have mixed emotions.
I have either arrived in life...
or..
I'm a wrinkled mess.
.................................................
I purchased guacamole from Taco Bell 3 weeks ago. I left it in the fridge.
Today, I noticed that the mixture I purchased still looks EXACTLY like it did when I last purchased it.
WHAT?!
..............................................
I don't claim to be a control freak. outloud at least. 
however.
If one always controls her windshield wipers manually, would one have control issues after all? Probably not? Yeah...probably not the case.
agreed?
...........................

I would love to own a peacock. One day. One day, my friends.
Captured this pretty little boy and it's one of my favorite images...

“It's beauty that captures your attention; personality which captures your heart.” ~Unknown

with one exception.

...I will be the first to claim the truth.

The truth like...

...hmm, like I love chicken parm, big monster hair bows on little girls, my yoga pants.

..and the truth and nothing but the truth is that I, Moriah Leigh, am NOT a cry girl.

'cept.

except with one exception, ....when it comes to sports stories.

I don't know if it's a genetic flaw or what...

but I am unable to watch (or read) an emotional sports story
 that doesn't make yesterdays mascara run down my face.

every.

single.

time.

I don't take pride in this. 

I like that I am not some big sobbing cry baby kinda girl most days.

Something about a sports story though..

and the fact that I wear my heart on my sleeve just does me in, I'll admit the truth..

I cried watching this....and I cry watching just about every.single.one of Steve Hartman's reports.

but, but it's just sports stories that make me cry, other than that, I'm not a cry girl.
let's stick with the story facts.

“One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.”

― John Lennon

career day. and mumbo jumbo.

While those tens of tens of you who may follow my blog religiously , you already know these small tiny facts about me I'm sure.

1. my boys are my life. for a number or reasons. primarily because I LOVE them a lot and like them again. (in my own defense, my oldest was is a first born child, and a true alpha male. The age three was difficult and how I survived it without becoming an alcoholic is beyond me.) And the other reason they are my life is because, well..because I have no other life in real life after all to be honest. ha. I'm alright with that, I think?


2. while I consider myself a people person and an extrovert, I am really not. I am self diagnosed with Dissociative identity disorder (DID). Also known as multiple personality disorder (MPD),[1] is a mental disorder characterized by at least two distinct and relatively enduring identities or dissociated personality states that alternately control a person's behavior, and is accompanied by memory impairment for important information not explained by ordinary forgetfulness. These symptoms are not accounted for by substance abuse, seizures, other medical conditions or imaginative play in children.[ Thank you, Wikipedia, for that informative bit of info. Why do I think that I infact suffer from DID? Because I consider myself an extrovert and then remember I'm quite possible an introvert and that extrovert never really did perhaps ever really exist!! I mean, you would think I reside at the Ritz Carlton with my lack of desire to ever leave the grounds here at Casa de' Chaos. Plus. I hibernate in the eight months of winter. It's another condition called Seasonal Disorder and Sundown Syndrome. I'm not on medication. Primarily because I am also ADD and can't remember to take medication...true story. Though ordinary forgetfulness is also a symptom of my DID so I gotta double whammy of the sucheth. No need for pity, really. It's all good.

3. I do not enjoy public speaking. what.so.ever. In first grade my teacher put me in speech class. I loved that teacher. She brought me all kinds of little treats and goodies on Friday when she came to our school for my class. On the downside, I thought something was really wrong with the way I spoke. There wasn't. Apparently, after 8 weeks of 8 sessions they released me from the program and my diagnosis was that I was simply..southern. That's a diagnosis I'm quite proud of . The southern student. And the teacher that was not. She had put 8 of my first and second grade classmates into speech, combo class that year. All but one of us actually had a speech impediment. I believe to this day that it has given me a complex. I blame the yankee. :)

What does this have to do with anything, these three statements stated?
oh nothing.

ha.
I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
What we gathered from this elaborate random bit of rambles was this.
1. I love my babies.
2. I don't exactly enjoy participating in planned things in the winter . ..'cause of my medical condition. correction. conditions.
3. I dislike HATE speaking in public.

Now I love my children's school. I do. I am very active as a parent. However, last year they asked me to do career day as a photographer. As opposed to my stardom in my secret yet wildly successful porn star career that I am a regular feature in. Bahhahaaaaa. I just died laughing. :)
Back on track...
So last year, I participated. I dreaded it for 3 entire weeks. I spoke in front of 3 groups of 40 kids in each group for 45 mins each...keeping up? I have never sweated so profusely in my ENTIRE life. Lil' big thanks to Dove Powder Deodorant makers, thanks friends.While I hear it went well, and I received the most touching and kind thank you letters saying I had inspired them to be a photographer, I just was glad to have that over with.Way glad.Then, my sweet friend in the library who is our media assistant, by our, I mean my sons, she asked me to do it again.I said "maybe"...without even having a second to think about telling her a big fat no.Luckily, I ran into her and she said they had enough signed up to do this so I need not worry about it. Praise Jesus. And Peter. Paul. The Holy Spirit and Jake the heavens number one main dog. Praise 'em all.
I started to feel bad that I had let my school down. And by my, I mean the children again. Though I did attend SF not long ago.... what? no really, it wasn't THAT long ago. I just hate to let people down. Even more so, people who are doing things for the goodness of children.
I then started asking myself if I had failed them. That's when I heard the following bossy voice say "Self, no..NO you have not!"....and so that was that.
After pondering some I realized the following things that I have taken part of since school started in August.
May I give you the list in no apparent real order of crazy.

-I stood on the street corner hustlin' krispy kreme boxes a time or three with my small people AT SEVEN AM in the MORNING!!! You ever tried to keep the car line moving, while collecting cash, tryin' to keep your toes from being ran over and throw out a box of a dozen tasty treats before the crack of dawn all while trying to look pleasant and happy doing it?
Exactly! It ain't easy.
-I helped plan, execute and pull off our first Fall Festival. With vendors, and food and 600 people in attendance. I mean, this was no small task.
-I dressed up in feather boa, flashy lil' glasses, hair accessories and what nots for 5 hours, for 600 people to see and come take part in the rented photo booth portion of the festival. This being after I worked for  free,  I meant three, hours prior setting up games, vendors, food etc throughout the school BEFORE the booth work. Again, thank you Dove Powder Deo makers.
-I dressed up in a full adult tiger costume. With the big head. The head that lacks complete ventilation. The same head that the school has had for 10 or 40 years and has likely never been cleaned once.
-Not only did I wear the tiger costume, I wore it for 2 days.And a total of 5 or 11 hours. Give or take a few. AND..and it was 107 degrees outside and 199 inside said suit. No joke. It was September. Code Orange kinda day. CODE ORANGEEEEEE!
-Not only all of that...I wore it in a video that required the Tiger to RUNNNNNNNNNNNN. And be animated. And participate with kids from the big kids hall. K kids are all like "ahh, the tiger, Tiger can I have a hug? I love you Tiger!" ..6th grade kids are all like "Tiger, let's kill you! And poke your eyes out!!! KILL THE TIGER!!! Kill the TIGER!" It was a bad day, a very bad day in Hundred Acre Woods. Tigger the Tiger felt like Eeyore tryin' to keep on her tail and being all "oh dear, ohhh dear!!" like Piglet the pig. That was until Tigger the Tiger ripped her own head off and looking seven shades of  "sweat to death red" and went all Rabbit like on those punk 6th graders and said "Back off the d*m^ tiger!" That's when I realized I made the right decision not becoming a teacher years ago. Ha. I am joking on the verbal warning...cause Christopher Robin was close by and stuff. Tigger the Tiger 'bout became a smoker after all that non-sense.
-I also took part on the second hottest day of the year at our Track Attack Race. I got high off of a big honkin' sharpie while I checked off boxes on t-shirts to indicate the laps that the children had ran, walked, etc. Though this sounds delightfully fun, I'll reiterate that it was the second hottest day of the year, on black top, during lice season with diagnosed classified third degree to the second power cases of the sucheth on the little kids hall. While I did not come down with the lice bugs during the race, you would have thought my scalp had 9191914 bugs growing babies in it during the 4 or 29 hours I was there, give or take a few..bugs and hours. I would have to move the hair of pretty little girls to check off boxes with the "Getcha High Sharpie" to indicate the laps lapped and in doing so, 19 bugs would jump forth to my own head each time. I was vulnerable. I took it upon myself to do a Dukes Mayo hair mask as soon as I returned home and left it on for three full days. I also took it upon myself to extra check boxes of the girls who had their hair in a hair tie and athletic shoes on their feet. I mean, your mama knew you were gonna be in a race. What part of those white patent leather clippity cloppity flower velcro short heel church shoe number on your foot said "race"...I ask you? Now for another question doll face, you been treated for lice recently? What about currently, you being treated currently? Just a generic general question darling?
-I de-gutted pumpkins and carved them and roasted them and stunk up the entire school.
-I went on the coldest day of the year to a place in the middle of the woods and collected leaves with 99 third graders. Then fell asleep during the planetarium 2 hour presentation in an adult baby carseat carrier sleeping position at that. I managed to keep up with 5 kids never losing one more than twice during the entire field trip.
-I went to seventeen stores to take part in around the world event to find fruit cake. In October. I found said fruit cake, to which, not one of the 99 children ate any bites. Correction. One did. One was forced. He liked it. He's part German. And the other part goat. He really liked it... Winkler. Spoken with a V. Except in America. Sounds like it's spelled. Shocking, I know.
-I threw a baby shower for a teacher. And managed to distribute cookies, cupcakes, chips and whatnot in 100 degree second day of heat being turned on, hot as haydeeezzee classroom. I managed to wear a sweater and not spontaniously combust. Or strip to just my bra. Cause it was hot.in.there. Again. Dove Deo....I thank you.
-I was assigned the Yearbook. Apparently, the yearbook company doesn't do said yearbook? Who knew. I was assigned the task as well as my sister from another mother. But whose mothers are polar identical..or is that bipolar identical. You get the point.. She and I managed to whip it out. In 10 days. And, add 30 plus pages, sell ads to the 6th grade parents on top of it and make it packed full of creative fun to the max. IF your childs face does not match her name, don't blame the yearbook staff.
-I am being a chaperone for 99 5th graders for 4 days, 400 miles away. AND I'm RIDING A CHARTER BUS to get there. ...'nough said 'bout that great heroic act of chivalry and sacrifice and lack of my mind stuff right there.

Career day went well today without me. (Yesterday really, I'm doing this today to publish tomorrow! Friday for Saturday.)
Sawyer's picks alone made me glad it all worked out. Mainly because he said wouldn't have come to my room. Cause third graders only got to to pick 3 and plus, he doesn't want to be a photographer. Thanks kid. Thanks a lot....Thankfully last year, my first sweet sweet baby boy amused his mama and sat thru my spill. Oh, and what did that stinkin' kid pick over the photographer mother who wasn't in attendance? The medical salesman who is in charge of defibrillators and had one on sight. Plus he was a good friends dad and stuff. WHAT!? Sure, pick the buddies parent, nice. Oh, and then he went to listen to the vegetable farmer, I had no idea we even had farmers who make a living growing vegetables in this town? No seriously? I had no idea!? Where is this farm!? I want to know. And lastly, there was the final and third choice of....funeral director. Who apparently also does the autopsy too... and touches all the squishy brains of every "client" he has. I use the word client loosely. Jack of all trades this "director", yes?

All in all, I'm glad that my lil' speech about how you bust into the industry of film wasn't needed this year. Plus... We gotta 'nough photographers and porn stars already in this one light, one horse town already. :)

xo-m
PS- I have a hard time sayin' the word "no" to people who ask for me to volunteer. From now on, I'm thinking that instead of saying "yes" or "maybe"...I'm gonna just say "I'll have to clear that first with my parole officer?"...should work well, no? :)

 

    "Once you have accepted your flaws, no one can use them against you." 

-Unknown

Love.

Love: Three dental cleanings. Three clean reports and zero cavities. And can I get an AMEN!!
About time. I had a long run of dental drama in 2012. My teeth, bless..they are just allergic to Sundrop. Such the shame. ;) But today I about hopped outta my chair and hugged my dentist. Bliss. Pure bliss.

Love: A few weeks back you may recall my wonderful dramatic story about being Barney Fife. ..'meber? Saved the 'hood. Called the police! That story!!?
Well the sweet owner of the place we saved dropped off a thoughtful card and a Bath and Body works gc a few weeks ago. How sweet, right? Today I ran in and got some more hand santi and oh how I am loving their lipgloss. I feel 12. Insantly. :) I love being the recipient of his sweet random act of kindness. Now if I can just figure out how to keep the wispy hair from getting all stuck to the lips. ;) It's the little things in life I love the best.

Love: My crazy friend Jessie and I spent two hours doing a little shopping in the greatest little store in the world. I'd tell ya 'bout it...but, I can't. I don't like for people to go to the places where things are outstandingly cheap case I decide to go one day and you already bought up all the good stuff. I'm sure you understand and stuff. I did take Jessie. Actually, she drove me. Still. We went and found the mother load of fabric for what would account for pennies.They sell this fabric to pottery barn, ralph lauren, moriah, .. etc. We made out like crazy bandits. It was insane.

I came home and whipped these little puppies out. Amazed right!? They are pillows, if you can't tell! HA! Only took me seven hours!!  Me and my sewing machine did that. I know you are impressed. Oh, and I'm kidding. I did 'em in like 30 mins cause I'm ADD and the only thing I'm able to do for seven whole entire hours is lay in the sun. I know? I don't understand either. It's the truth. And yes, I own a sewing machine. Every now and then I get all Moriah Stewart like and stuff. I figured it out and the pillows cost me .10cent each. Ridiculously cheap.

Love: These faces. Madly.

I feel that the blur makes it look artsy! no? ha!! :)

Caroline. I am in love with this baby. IN LOVE I tell ya...

Love: His teacher. This note. That child.
 

Love: This quote. and This one too.

Love: I love music. I already told you that like 50 other times in this blog. I don't exactly think I've ever liked any of Dustin's songs before now. I'm also not a huge Bruno Mars fan either. Except... his song, sung by his voice...WORKS!! :)

"Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens.Circumstances and situations do color life but you have been given the mind to choose what the color shall be."

-John Homer Miller

scars of joy.

About me: 11-25

Here is my first 10 things about me from when I first began to blog: She Rambles

11. I secretly wish I could yodel and play a fiddle.And the guitar. I play a mean kuzu rendition of a mosquito. I'm for hire.

12. Typically when I drive I have my left leg and foot off the floorboard and in my seat. 90% of the time, I am shoeless. My first and second car were both straight drive. I still kiss my hand, and touch the roof of my car when I go under a yellow light and make a wish. Thank you my girls of high school for this lil' quirk. :)

13. Eyes- I am legally blind. My vision is so poor I am unable to see the Big E. My greatest fear is losing my vision. I pretty much had perfect vision and just had 20/30 in one eye when I was 7. I complained about it enough that my mom took me to get glasses. I wanted them simple because they were an accessory. I do love an accessory. And..and because Laura Ingles on Little House on the Prairie had them. Soon as she went down with that fire in that house I knew at that moment I was gonna have to find me a pair of those, quick! And that I did. Now, the eye doctor gives me panic attacks. I don't exactly enjoy anybody that close to my face...what-so-ever. I find it ironic that glasses make you look smart, even though the reason for needing them is due to the fact that one's eyes don't work well at all.

14. I have gone thru I'd say, 3 or 4 vacuums over the past few years. I love vacuum lines. It makes me happy happy happy.

15.  My favorite color is Cobalt Blue.

16. I love cemeteries. Weird, right? The old southern historic ones. I've been known to tour the little coastal towns best. For hours. I'm that normal looking girl who is just looking for her great grandfather, that's my story...if anybody ask. They haven't yet. But it's good to have a plan, ya see. "Oh, you know...just here...looking for my great grandfather and stuff."... I should get a better plan, perhaps.

17. I had my ruptured appendix taken out wide awake at 25. Every scar has a story. So do nights from being arrested. So far, I've just got scar stories.

18. I remove my shoes at the door. -At my house. -At your house. -At every house. Mase and I are going to DC in April. He recently said, "Mama, I think they require you to keep your shoes on at Obama's house."...ha. It's habit. I'm gonna keep that in mind though big guy. Good advice.

19. I collect sea glass and vintage cameras. My sea glass I have found from all over...beaches of Hawaii, Caribbean Islands, Cumberland Island...coast of Carolina. It's a love. I find something so beautiful about the fact that something so broken and jagged, so tossed out.. can be tossed and turned and turned and tossed into something so beautiful with enough time and rough waters. Then ...just like that, it's something so magical and perfect. Something so beautiful to that, don't ya think? Vintage cameras make me wonder who held them, what they captured...how they viewed the world when they clicked the shutter decades ago.

20. I hate the sounds of: people when they have snot in their throat and try to clear it...oh gawd I just visualized that nosie...ta die gross, the rattle sound of a pill bottle and ticking of a ceiling fan. I can't handle that tick tick tick what ---soooooo--ever. Why people put ceiling fans in their bedroom is beyond me!!

21. If my house was on fire, I'd hope these rocks made it out. They are one of my greatest treasures and worth more than diamonds and gold. Sawyer has found all of them over the years. Can you see the shape? Heart be still.

22. This may surprise you...I'm seriously as southern as they come, however..I don't really like grits. And...I hate March Madness basketball. All those silly post on FB. Enough. :) Cause I don't care! lol!! Sweaty gross wet boys disgust me. Get those boys a towel puuuuulleease. quick. All college basketball boys should come with their own towel dude. He should get the equal amount of scholarship $ for having to do so. I also think NASCAR is pretty big in the south, but I know little about the sport. Except Pablo...Juan, we're on a nickname level, is super great!! I like him cause I love Target, Pablo. I learned last year at Career day, thanks to my sons good buddy's papaw, that race car drivers pee in the seats during the race. This has put a mental picture in my head that you won't ever believe. And can I also add, you never want to follow up the guy with the Nascar Cup and fire proof suits at career day. Huge. Let. Down. Huge. ;)

23. I have a lot of inventions in my head. Some worth making it big. I need backing. Somebody? Anybody?
No really...they're good.

24. Half my closet is the color black. The other half white. I don't look good in color. Or patterns. Or busy. Or itchy. I don't look good in itchy what so ever at all.. ;)

25.Both my boys were born on the 25th. It's my favorite number in the whole wide world. They weighed an odd number weight, born on an odd day, an odd month, on odd years, on odd hours and odd minutes in odd room numbers. True story. They are as normal as they come and I'm their odd mother who knows all those details cause I'm weird and odd like that. :)

"I can't believe that God put us on this earth to be ordinary."
-Lou Holtz

xoxo

“Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place.”
-Kurt Vonnegut

a letter to a lizard named lewis.

Dear No Lewis Lizard.

When we purchased you....you were a delightful shade of green. The combined color of ehh..asparagus and peridot. I realize peridot is not a great color, trust you me...it's my birthstone and it's hideous, however...it was a good look on you. Within the first day you began to turn the color of...uh, dirt. A dark shade of brown dirt. Not to be confused with Carolina red clay mud...just the color of dirt found in other states, I would assume. I did a little google magic and found that this is what happens when you are stressed.
WHAT?
Stressed?
Here?
In the land of happy...
in the castle of glass...
IN the life of having your food delivered, you bask in the sun, you tan in the sand, you swim in the pool, you have people wait on your and foot and tail and YOU ARE STRESSSSSSSSSSSSED? Wanna trade lives buddy? huh? Huh Lewis? I'll show ya stressed. I'll show ya...
But I said..."let's just give it a day."
Two days later I woke up and said my "good morning" to you and I thought you were dead.
You were not.
I took the liberty to go right then and dig out the receipt in the trash can for you. I mean, don't take it personal...
I woulda tried to save you. So I googled again. It said "If condition continues, take your family pet reptile to the vet."............I stopped googlin' then.
Lewis, while you are a delightful little creature, please know that I will not be taking you to the vet. For multiple reasons. Even if I can only think of one major real reason at the moment. There are multiple. I uhh think?
So I said to myself.."Self, Lewis is fine...he's gonna make it!"
and I've tried to not over analyze your coloring and breathing and what have you not. I feel like I did when I brought home my newborn babies. Are you jaundice? Are you still breathing? Baby? Baby are you breathing?
I haven't broken out the "breathing makeup mirror" I used on my real babies in their bassinet on you yet to see if it fogged it up by breathing on it like I may or may not have done a time or dozen before. Yes. I realize. However, in my defense...I was young and crazy. Oh wait. Now that I think about it...I'm still young and crazy. :) Silly me. Or maybe just young.
I have been trying to make you happy Lew Lew. I broke out the food proccesor and have been finely chopping your food. Mixed variety of veggies. It's starting to make me feel guilty. I think I feed you better than I do my own children. Oh well.
I then started to see that whenever I was around you or near you...you would begin to freak out. I was in the kitchen doing dishes. I look over to your tank and you're all crazy like. Oh, and no, you aren't in the kitchen. Just close by in the office. ha. Okay, it's not really an office. But there is desk in there and a pencil sharpener so today, it's an office and your home.
Then when I was mopping on another day...you were crazy.
When I was doing homework with my love...wild. Freaking out crazy wild.
When I was in the office working..ha. okay. that's not true. still.
I started to take it personal. Lewis, do you not like me? I like you, I asked myself. So I began to tell you. "I like you little buddy...I think?" ..I would say...
Then your color went from dirt to like ...uhh. death.
So I explained that you have a 20 day return policy. Frank. To the point. Honest and direct.
If..
and I only mean, IF..
if you are planning to die soon, I'm gonna need you to die in the next 15 days I said.
Nothing personal.
Sorta.
But I mean, we shouldn't both be out...ya know.
And plus, think of the children. No, I'm not replacing you. You are dear and special.... however, your loss will be more an emotional upset due to the fact that your length of life was short and well...they used their own money. It's not about the money. I mean, the vet, the vet may be about the money..this, not so much? ehh.
So, I was just trying to explain this...and you got all huffy puffy and sat like a lizard on a log all annoyed.
Last night you seemed a bit better.
Your color was improving.
I was giving you a pep talk.
And then I got a text.
And you got all crazy mad and freaked out....running back and forth and forth and back in the castle of glass trying to escape.

I had a moment.
and ahhh haaaaaa moment.
...I then realized my phone makes a "tweet tweet" noise.
Like.A.Bird.
a bird that may or may not eat lizards.

I'm sorry No Lewis Lizard.
You're safe.
Unless you get out of that castle...
I don't recommend that.... ask the hamster that once lived in your castle before you.
'nough said.

You're back to being a lovely green shade this evening.
You're welcome.
I basically saved your life.
Though, if you are gonna...well, you know....14 days and counting big guy. 14 days and countin'
No pressue. sorta.

Love,
me.
xo

simple joys.

For the past few days, I've been MIA. I've been on a blissful and much needed vacation, staying in the cutest ocean front cottage. The weather was amazing. I spent my mornings on the perfect little screened in porch sipping mimosa's and reading the huge stack of magazines I have had piling up. I slept in, I stayed up late, ate too many shrimps (shrimps are tastier than shrimp..case you wondered) drank too much wine, got tans lines and sleep lines and have never felt so refreshed in my whole life.


oh.
wait.
silly me.

I've been here.
Not there.
In sickville.

with two whiney love bugs who are demanding pitful when sick who slept little, kept me up and spent yet another day and dime on meds and doctor bills. On a brighter note....moscato wine makers are happy for my lovely week of gloom. You're very welcome vitners in Cali....keep those bottles coming. And keep 'em on sale at 2 for $10 HT. Hey, nothin' wrong with an affordable priced wine in my  cellar fridge.

and plus...I'd rather be here any ol' day then some stinkin' vacation with the sound of some noisy ocean with a cabana full of silly umbrella drinks while I am smellin' like a coconut and with yucky sandy feet.....in.a.bathing suit. no. no. not me.

haaaaaaaaaaa.

movin' on. movin' on.

Things that make me smile.

 simple joys.

• This swing in the back yard that my brother put up.
• Those pink shoes of mine.
• A beautiful winter day in the south.
• Swinging with my baby.

• Seeing that they each had signed their name. A right of passage in childhood I think.
• Moss. Green soft moss below.

• Sun rising up over beautiful Lake Norman.
• Another day alive.
• Being on time so I could slow down and savor and snap this.
• Singing Nora Jones "Sunrise" song in my head right after for a short hour instead of all.day.long. like most songs normally get stuck.

• these two. 
• the color pink.
• baby converse.
• that whenever NFL is on, she says "May May" for her Mason who she watches play during his season. He loves loves loves this more thans she could even know. Maybe one day sweet girl. :)   

•  my grandmother's handwritten weekly letters in beautiful cursive.
• being her sunshine.
• being blessed to have had in her my life.
• to have her be my boys great-grandmother.
• for her love, praying heart and gentleness always.
• simple joys. i love you best, simple simple joys.

"If you are joyful, do not worry about lukewarmness. Joy will shine in your eyes and in your look, in your conversation and in your countenance. You will not be able to hide it because joy overflows.”
― Mother Teresa, A Life For God: The Mother Teresa Reader